The All Time Best Friends TV Show Quotes on the Internet

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Photo by Kate Williams, Creative Commons

All Your Favorite Friends TV Show Quotes in One Place

Friends is a show known for its clever dialogue, entertaining ongoing storylines, and good chemistry among its cast. Want to try to place these quotes in context? Check out the Friends Episode Guide here.

1. Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You’re gonna love it! – Monica

2. Here come the meat sweats. – Joey

3. Ah, humor based on my pain. Ha ha ha. – Ross

4. If I’m going down, I’m taking everybody with me. – Chandler

5. (After Monica asks her what her favorite animal says about her.) You mean, like, behind my back? – Phoebe

6. (After a woman points out that Ross doesn’t have her phone number.) You know what? If it’s meant to be, I’ll guess it. – Ross

7. (After Rachel asks if she left the stove on.) You haven’t cooked since 1996. – Ross

8. All right, kids, I gotta get to work. If I don’t input those numbers… it doesn’t make much of a difference. – Chandler

9. You hung up on the pizza place? I don’t hang up on your friends! – Joey

10. By the way, Y-O-U-apostrophe-R-E means “you are.” – Ross

11. I grew up with Monica. If you didn’t eat fast, you didn’t eat. – Ross

12. (After Rachel announces she doesn’t like guys with boring jobs.) And Ross was what? A lion tamer? – Chandler

13. Why do you have to break up with her? Be a man. Just stop calling. – Joey

14. It’s a Sunday. I don’t move on Sundays. – Chandler

15. (Upon seeing Joey’s plucked eyebrow.) It’s like a baby caterpillar chasing it’s momma. – Chandler

16. Stop being so testeroney! – Phoebe

17. Quick, how do you get a chick out of a VCR?! – Chandler

18. Monica, I’m quitting. I just helped an 81 year old woman put on a thong and she didn’t even buy it. – Rachel

19. Emma is the product of a bottle of Merlot and a 5 year old condom. – Monica

20. You got a manny? – Joey

21. They shouldn’t be having S-E-X around the B-A-B-I-E. – Joey

22. How long do cats live? Like assuming you don’t throw ‘em under a bus or something? – Rachel

23. I would [work out], but that might get in the way of my lying-around time. – Chandler

24. Oh, I’m sorry, did my back hurt your knife? – Rachel

25. You’ve been bamboozled! – Joey

26. We swallow our feelings, even if we’re unhappy forever. Sound good? – Chandler

27. I’m not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? – Chandler

28. I mean, isn’t that just kick-you-in-the-crotch-spit-on-your-neck fantastic? – Rachel

29. You don’t own a TV?!! What’s all your furniture pointed at? – Joey

30. Your collective dating record reads like a who’s who of human crap. – Phoebe

31. Sure I peed on her. And if I had to, I’d pee on any one of you! – Joey

32. (After being asked to help out.) Oh, I wish I could, but I don’t want to. – Phoebe

33. You could not be any more wrong. You could try, but you would not be successful. – Ross

34. Do you have a plan? I don’t even have a pla. – Phoebe

35. Let me think, let me think…oh, I don’t care. – Chandler

36. What the hell does a paleontologist need a beeper for? – Joey

37. (In the deliver room at the hospital.) It’s a baby, a beautiful baby, and some other stuff I’m gonna pretend I don’t see. – Chandler

38. Well, that’s like summer in a bowl. – Joey

39. We were on a break!! – Ross

40. Look at this clown! Just because he’s got a bigger boat, he thinks he can take up the whole river…Who names their boat Coast Guard, anyway? – Joey

41. A no sex pact, huh? I actually have one of those going on with every woman in America. – Ross

42. They don’t know that we know they know we know. – Phoebe

43. Oooh, you like that? You should hear my phone number. – Phoebe

44. The fridge broke so I had to eat everything. – Joey

45. Is it, like, for dinosaur emergencies? “Help! Come quick, they’re still extinct!” – Monica

46. Well, I’m sorry if I’m not a middle-aged black woman. And I’m also sorry if sometimes I go to the wrong audition. – Joey

47. Come on Ross, you’re a paleontologist, dig a little deeper. – Phoebe

48. I try to go [to the gym] four times a week, but I’ve missed the last 1,200 times. – Chandler

49. He’s her lobster. – Phoebe

50. Half the taste is in the smell! And you’re sucking up all the taste units! – Joey

51. (After being asked why he was getting dressed.) Well, when I walk outside naked, people throw garbage at me. – Chandler

52. It’s a moo point. It’s like a cow’s opinion; it doesn’t matter. It’s moo. – Joey

53. You threw my sandwich away? My sandwich? MY SANDWICH? – Ross

54. You know what’s weird? Donald Duck never wore pants, but when he gets out of the shower, he puts a towel around his waist. I mean, what is that about? – Chandler

55. Maybe later we can all go blow our noses on my weeding dress. – Monica

56. You know honey, there is a thin line between love and hate. And it turns out that line is a scarf! – Rachel

57. We’re not Bert and Ernie. – Joey

58. The fifth dentist caved and now they are all recommending Trident. – Chandler

59. Man this is weird. You ever realize Captain Crunch’s eyebrows are actually on his hat? – Joey

60. Yes, we got everything. And Ross almost got something that was not on the list! A whore. – Rachel

61. Yes, on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being the dumbest a person can look, you are definitely 19. – Chandler

62. Don’t blame the questions! – Ross

63. I have found my identical hand twin. – Joey

64. I’m Santa’s representative for the southern states. – Ross

65. Well, maybe that’s because you’re closer to you, so you look bigger to you from where you are. – Joey

66. This is not out of the blue. This is smack dab in the middle of the blue. – Chandler

67. She makes me wanna…rip my arm off just so I have something to throw at her. – Joey

68. I told you I didn’t want you to…and you just, you big fat did it anyway. – Phoebe

69. You think that’s what’s weird? Joey, the man’s been captain of a cereal for the last 40 years. – Chandler

70. The cushions are the essence of the chair! – Chandler

71. I’m very bendy. – Phoebe

72. We could eat the wax! It’s organic. – Phoebe

73. When did you start crapping money? – Chandler

74. I bruise like a peach. – Ross

75. Yes I know!! And Joey knows!! But Ross doesn’t know so you have to stop screaming!!!! – Rachel

76. You see it’s stuff like this which is why you’re burning in hell! – Phoebe

77. First I was afraid, I was petrified. – Chandler

78. Oh, I know. This must be hard. Oh, no. Two women love me. They’re both gorgeous and sexy. My wallet’s too small for my fifties, and my diamond shoes are too tight. – Chandler

79. Over the line?! You’re so far past the line that you can’t even see the line! The line is a dot to you! – Joey

80. You can’t just give up. Is that what a dinosaur would do? – Joey

81. Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-alike contest and won! – Ross

82. You ordered pizza without me? – Joey

83. Ross came in fourth and cried! – Chandler

84. It was summer and it was hot. Rachel was there. A lonely grey couch. ”OH LOOK!” cried Ned, and then the kingdom was his forever. The End. – Chandler, reading a short story Joey wrote

85. (After being asked what the insurance guy said.) Oh, they said, uh, “You don’t have insurance here so stop calling us.” – Chandler

86. Oh, are you setting Ross up with someone? Does she have a wedding dress? – Rachel

87. (After announcing she is melting butter.) That’s great, Rach. You now have the cooking skills of a hot day. – Monica

88. Suppose we’re a divorced couple…And I got custody of the kid, right? Now, suppose the kid dies and I gotta buy a new kid. – Joey

89. Could I BE wearing any more clothes? – Joey

90. Joey doesn’t share food. – Joey

91. I’m Chandler. I make jokes when I’m uncomfortable. – Chandler

92. Pivot! – Ross

93. (After being called an idiot by Rachel.) I’m sure you’re right, but why? – Chandler

94. Your tombstone can say whatever you want it to say. It could say “Ross Geller, Good at Marriage!” Y’know? Mine’s gonna say “Phoebe Buffay, Buried Alive. – Phoebe

95. A little louder, okay? I think there’s a man on the twelfth floor–in a COMA–who didn’t
hear you. – Ross

96. You know what? I’m gonna go out on a limb and say no divorces in ’99! – Ross

97. I say more dumb things before 9 a.m. than most people say all day. – Chandler

98. (While acting out the first Thanksgiving.) Dude, stop talking crazy and make us some tea. – Joey

99. If it’s a girl, Phoebe. If it’s a boy, Phoebo. – Phoebe (picking out baby names)

100. We don’t know how long we’re gonna be stuck here. We might have to repopulate the world. – Joey

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