The Green Eyed Monster Ate My Friend

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Your friend gets a new promotion, finds the love of their life, and buys their dream car. All in the same week. You’re 100% overjoyed for your buddy’s newfound success, right?

Okay, not always.

Reality: We’re happy for her. Also reality: Thoughts like ‘why wasn’t that me?’, ‘she doesn’t deserve that,’ or ‘she just got lucky’ sometimes spring to our mind.

Underneath how proud we are of our friend, we may be secretly wrapped up in the tentacles of jealousy. Jealousy has a way of doing that: sitting bubbling in your stomach, churning like a sickness. And that, of course, can backfire quick. If we don’t learn to understand and control our jealousy, it can spill over to harm our friendships.

5 Ways to Get Over Being Jealous of Your Friend

1. Admitting Your Jealousy.

Have you ever asked a person if they’re jealous and they instantly denied it? They shake their head furiously and snap a sharp ‘no!’. Acceptance is often the first step in regaining control. Admitting to yourself that you feel jealous is the first step to overcoming it. When you are honest with yourself and admit you have some misgivings, it lets you ask questions and explore where the jealousy comes from in the first place. So man/woman up and take a deep breath and acknowledge to yourself, “Okay, I’m a little jealous of ‘insert object of jealousy here.’” It can be a great starting point to letting those jealous feelings pass you by.

2. Feeling Less Insecure.

According to Psychology Today, insecurity is the most common source of jealousy. Often, we feel jealousy because we feel the other person has something we don’t. Amazing vacation? Amazing job? Amazing family? If we don’t have these exact same things, it can leave us feeling bitter and jealous even though we may have great lives ourselves. Insecurity can skew how we view ourselves in relation to our friends.

3. Coming Back to Reality.

Chances are if you’re jealous of a friend’s success, you’re overlooking the hours and hours they put into making their success happen. Did they earn their success through hard work, sacrifice, saving or dedication? Or, what about that dream car? Did they stay at home for years, skip eating out and vacations, and scrimp and save to buy it all while you were enjoying exotic vacations? While it’s easy to be jealous of your friend and become resentful that you don’t have what they have, understanding the underlying causes of their success will bring you back to reality. This helps you gain admiration for them as a friend and not as a competitor.

4. Not Comparing Yourself to your Friend.

Social media today is full of the 1% of peoples’ lives that are incredibly successful while all struggles and hardships take a back seat. It’s all too easy to fall into the trap of being jealous of your friends just based on outward appearance. The most effective way to not compare yourself to your friend is to set compelling goals that will make you the best version of yourself. Focusing on your own journey and success will give you less of a reason to be jealous of others!

5. Accepting Your Friend’s Success.

Expressing a true, genuine expression of congratulations to your friend will enhance your friendship and give you a greater sense of peace. Once you have truly overcome your feelings of jealousy, a face to face meeting, e-mail or phone call of congratulations can really be a heartfelt, sincere gesture. If your initial congratulations to your friend seemed fake or forced because of your jealousy, this will be give you a great sense of peace.

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  1. Henderson

    This isn’t meant to be a chauvinist question, but do you think this applies more to women than men? I’m not saying there’s anything inferior about women. Just that I have observed more women exhibit these tendencies than men. Maybe I’m just hanging out with the wrong women????

  2. Sara Spectacular and Short

    no. 3 is super important i think. its easy to look at what someone else has and think theyre so lucky bc good things just fall out of the air for them. thats not how it works tho. every1 has their share of ups and downs and other people work hard to get things they have just like I do. also I think its true that i take for granted the things i have that others dont. i’m healthier than a lot of people even if im not richer. im sure there’s people out there who would be envious of that too.

  3. MzFomo

    LOL. Part of me wants to bawl you out for saying that but……….I’m pretty sure the same thing is true of the women and men I know.

    I wonder if maybe it’s that women actually talk about their feelings of jealousy though and men don’t tend to as much. So it’s just that we’re more aware of how women feel?

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