How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Your Mom Friends

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how-to-stop-comparing-yourself-to-your-mom-friends

It’s the killer of so many friendships. You’re rolling merrily along, enjoying the companionship of another woman who’s in the trenches of life with you, and then a voice inside you rears her ugly head…that glossy-haired, green-eyed fem-bot known as jealousy.

It’s as if Envy steps right in between the two of you.

Whatever you do, don’t panic.

Take a time out from waving your wand of spite, and brush up on these tips to help you kick jealousy to the curb. After all, despite the latest drama, down deep, you still want to hold on to that amazing woman who has become so important in your life (even if her chronic fabulousness sometimes wears on you).

Remember Everyone Is Doing Their Best. Remind yourself over and over and over again that you’re both doing your best. You are doing your best. And your friend is doing her best. You’re all doing your best.

But here’s the thing: everyone’s best is going to look different. Your friend’s best may include volunteering at the local soup kitchen and baking cookies for her child’s class every week. You may have days where your best simply means keeping your children alive. Meanwhile, there are no doubt other areas of life where you are the one who excels and she is the one who drops the ball.

You may have to take a step back and remind yourself that your friend isn’t doing her best to make you look bad. Just as (and please tell us this is true), when you over achieve in some area, you aren’t trying to rub her face in your Super Woman status either.

Focus on How Every Family is Different. Another thing you have to constantly remind yourself of is the fact that every family is different. Every child is different. Every mom is different. And because each family is different, what’s best for one family isn’t always best for another. If you find yourself feeling jealous that your BFF’s mom lives in town and helps her out on a weekly basis while your mom is a five hour drive away, remind yourself that your family is different from hers. Your friend may not be able to function without her mom’s help while you may be much more independent. Maybe she and her mom have a weird co-dependent relationship. Maybe your mom would make life more difficult for you if she lived nearby. Whatever is causing some jealously, remember that your family functions differently and has different needs from the family of your friend. Your lives don’t have to look the same for you to be able to enjoy each other’s company and camaraderie.

The Grass Isn’t Always Greener. If you find yourself envying your friend, try to remind yourself that no one’s situation is ever as great as it looks. Every single mom you know has areas where she struggles no matter how great things seem. The friend who always has babies who are fantastic sleepers may also have a husband who isn’t very involved or helpful. The friend with the amazingly supportive husband may also struggle with crippling self-esteem issues. The friend who has such well-behaved kids may also have trouble controlling her temper. The mom who has time to do tons of crafting and baking may totally ignore her children at home. Even the moms who seem so perfect have areas of their lives that aren’t perfect, so instead of being jealous of what your friends seem to have, choose to be thankful for the good things that you have. If you had to spend a day mowing and watering her grass, you may find that you like your grass much better!

Focus on What You Have in Common. One of the best ways to kill jealousy in your friendships is to focus on the areas where you have things in common. You may be jealous that one friend seems to have a better marriage than yours, but instead of thinking about that, focus on the fact that you both have boys who are equally wild and rambunctious. Maybe the friend who seems to have it all together hates her mother-in-law as much as you hate yours. Maybe your skinny friend who just loses those pregnancy pounds so effortlessly also has a baby who fights sleep as much as yours does. Instead of letting yourself dwell on your friend’s unique blessings, make an effort to dwell on the things that you have in common, the areas where you both struggle, the areas where you’re equally blessed. Remember the reasons why you were drawn to each other in the first place, that you’re on the same team, and you really do like her. You’ll find it much harder to be jealous of her if you’re constantly reminding yourself how much you have in common.

In conclusion, motherhood is tough. And maintaining good friendships is tough. But motherhood is so much easier to navigate when you have good friends to help you through. So instead of letting jealousy and comparison ruin a perfectly good friendship, make the conscious effort to cling to the good things, forgive the bad things, and shove that green-eyed witch away whenever she comes creeping along. You’ll be glad that you held tight to your friends instead of letting a little bit of allegedly greener grass separate you!